It seems more transparent, the need to be needed. Well, rather, the will to find a human who, without fear of consequence, articulates a yearning for you. All of you. Knowing that after everything tangible is gone, you exist, and that’s all, and that’s everything.
So compulsively, I head right. I know innately home is just down the road two miles to the left, but still my wheel leads my right. I cant go to him tonight. I can’t seek him out as my one comfort from the weary movements of my previous hours. I’ve wronged him and he is punishing me in tan-dame with the regret i’ve already cemented on my conscience mind. I resent his persistent bitterness. I’m not sure why, in being so good to him, i hadn’t been quite good enough. Why doesn’t he pine for me to return to that role already. I’ve thrived and nourished myself off of his satisfaction and now i’m starving. An anorexic spirit, my burden and my fault.
Wow. I accidentally (yes, accidentally) watched an episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I can’t believe i’m admitting this. I may lose my boyfriend upon confessing but I can’t believe those are grown ass women. Flashbacks of middle school and bullies and tears flooded back. No wonder Kelsie Grammer divorced that horrible cunt of a woman. Frasier should have smartened up a long time ago. Never trust a face that doesn’t move.
I’ve lied on way harder shit then this. Sure, there is a layer of truth within consumption but the reality is, if your abstract enough the drug of choice is merely handing yourself a bigger canvas to paint your masterpiece. Why can a drug induced lyric or picture become so honest and resonate with so many people when the first impulse when a stranger looks at an addict is to retract and lie. Like the DUI you either have or almost got. “No officer, i have not consumed alcohol”. Seems like the poetic answer is,”officer, I’m painting my masterpiece all over this highway and this car is my vestal, why would i confine myself to your lines? you wouldn’t take a muse from an artist would you? I’m in my most honest state. 0-60 for Jim Morrison, Da’Vinci, and Chris Farley; FTW!”
I can’t begin to explain the Bar at Harry’s without first explaining the city it resides in. Temecula, CA is a small town fighting its way into notoriety. A decade ago it was a lot of land and a few stop lights. Like an STD statistic at SDSU, it grew, and fast. From 2000 to 2008 the Population Growth increase was 75.%. So the economy here was growing, houses were going up everywhere and someone had to sell them. Now this is purely just my theory here, but i believe a lot of bored housewives got into the market at its peak (about 4 years ago). From there, selling a house was a bigger pick me up than their Botox. With new financial superiority, or at least a self-sustaining income, the divorces became ever more plentiful.
Our restaurant and bar came to town on the cusp of the housing boom. It was just what Temecula needed, upscale casual and still more affordable than the OC restaurants it was modeled after. The locals wanted a concept that was less family and more upscale and our price point made it accessible for visits 3-4+ times a week. We were enabling this false sense of grandeur the Temeculites were developing. All of a sudden these farmers’ daughters were demanding Goose and Gucci. We were pushers, but we cut our shit with anything we could. They never complained, it was coming at a value and they needed to keep their fix. Now all the newly single real-estate moms had a place to network, and show off the new fake tits the alimony paid for.
Being invited to a swinger’s party by old people was offensive. And it’s not because I’m a prude and think that it is so disgusting. It’s not for me but I don’t judge much. I was offended that this old couple, with old balls, and natural birthed vagina, thought my boyfriend and I were on par to trade with them and the other AARP couples. I’ll trade you my Audi for your Volkswagen bus. No thank you. Least of all I know that bus has never been waxed. And can you really reach to wash it all properly anymore?
